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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22986211">New Roots</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightwalking/pseuds/starlightwalking'>starlightwalking</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the world as we know it [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Back to Middle-Earth Month, Gen, Moving, Post-Break Up, Trans Fingon, Trans Male Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:47:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,845</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22986211</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightwalking/pseuds/starlightwalking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After a disastrous breakup, Fingon moves to a new city.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aredhel &amp; Fingon | Findekáno</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the world as we know it [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1651942</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anna's Trans Anthology, Back to Middle-earth Month 2020: Endings and Beginnings</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>New Roots</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey there, welcome to my first B2MeM fic of the year!! I'm really excited to participate again this year :) I'm planning on splitting my writing this month between half miscellaneous oneshots and finishing up past projects, and half a new series I've been unable to stop thinking about. This is the first installment in that series, a Russingon college AU (ft. the other Finweans)!<br/>There isn't much of an over-arching plot I have in mind, hence a series and not a longer fic. I have a lot of ideas for little snapshots in this universe, and I'm excited to write them out!</p><p>Prompts for this fic were "He was interested in roots and beginnings..." (official prompt) and "moving" (beginnings).</p><p> </p><p>CW: a transphobic ex-boyfriend</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fingon dropped the last box to the floor and heaved a sigh. The sound of his breath filling the room was heard by no one but himself, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that.</p><p>Alone. He was here, in his new apartment, alone.</p><p>No one knew he was here.</p><p>He'd managed to move all by himself, renting a U-Haul and trekking up and down three flights of stairs with each individual box. This place had an elevator, but it had broken down a week ago (according to the sign on its door), and Fingon wasn't going to call for help. The whole point was to do it on his own.</p><p>He collapsed on his mattress, grimacing at its stiffness. He'd need to get a mattress pad to make it more comfortable. Maybe he'd stop by Wal-Mart after returning the U-Haul. But he was going to take a little break for now, after all the work he'd done to move across state lines and transfer schools and quit his job and—</p><p>Deep breaths. In, out. In, out. Fingon could feel the panic setting in, the anxiety he'd been keeping at bay by making choice after choice without stopping to worry finally overtaking his thoughts. Fuck. This was why he hadn't taken a break earlier, not even when he'd dropped a box of books on his toe.</p><p>Tears welled up in his eyes unbidden as the weight of what he'd done crashed down around him. Oh god, his dad was going to have a heart attack. No, his grandfather would; his dad was going to...going to...</p><p>Fingon's chest hurt, and he realized he was sobbing so hard his binder was making it hard to breathe. He scrambled into a sitting position and tore his shirt off so he could peel his binder free. It had been stupid to wear it while lifting boxes, anyway, but he hadn't wanted any new neighbors to stare at him as he moved in.</p><p>Shirtless, tits out, Fingon wiped away his tears with his wrist. He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out his phone, getting as far as his contact list before he realized he had no idea who to call.</p><p>Recent calls... his new landlord, the U-Haul place, his new university, his old university, his new university again—he almost started crying again when he saw the name of the last real, important person he'd talked to: Galdor.</p><p><em>Fuck</em> him, Fingon thought, tears blinding him as he deleted his ex's contact. That last fight had taken everything: his boyfriend, his friends, his home, even his job. Sure, Fingon had been thinking about switching majors and maybe transferring for months, but it wasn't until that fight—had it really only been a week ago?—that he'd realized there was nothing left for him at his old school.</p><p>But it had all been so fucking <em>stupid</em>. Why had he let it get to him so much? Why had he uprooted everything he'd worked to build, to grow, over a falling out like that? Fingon's hands shook. He should've called his parents, cried it out to them. They would've paid for therapy, for the meds he'd stopped being able to afford on his own months ago—but Fingon didn't want them to worry. He didn't want to be <em>dependent.</em></p><p>He could hear his sister's voice, irate: "Oh my <em>god</em>, Finno, you're <em>so</em> grown up, dropping your entire life and moving across the country <em>all</em> on your own! Wow, you even managed to make a few fucking phone calls without anyone to hold your hand, you should get an award for isolating yourself!"</p><p>It was <em>stupid</em>. <em>He</em> was stupid. But somehow he was still fucking proud of himself for doing it all on his own, for getting accepted into a new school, for finding a place to live, for scraping together all his savings to make the move, for doing it without asking anyone else. With Galdor, toward the end, he'd had to ask for <em>everything</em>. God, it felt good to be free of him, to be free of his old life.</p><p>His phone buzzed, and Fingon dropped it on the mattress in surprise. With a shock, he realized Aredhel was facetiming him. He scrambled to throw on his shirt so he wasn't nude from the waist up when he answered, and he forced a smile onto his face as he picked up.</p><p>"Finno!" Aredhel cried, beaming at him from the other side of the screen. "Guess what guess what! I got a car! I can go on that road trip after I graduate and—" She broke off, her face falling. "Finno, are you okay?'</p><p>"Fine," he rasped. He wasn't sure if his throat felt awful from the crying or the fact that he hadn't talked to anyone in at least a day.</p><p>"You are <em>not</em> fine. Hold on." The image on the screen became blurry as Aredhel raced up the stairs and into her room, flicking on the lights. She settled into her bed and pouted at him, hand on her chin. "What's wrong?"</p><p>"I..." <em>I moved states? I switched majors? I'm having a panic attack?</em> "I...broke up with Galdor."</p><p>"Oh, hun," Aredhel exclaimed. "I'm so sorry. What happened?"</p><p>Fingon just stared at her. What <em>had</em> happened? More like, what <em>hadn't</em> happened?</p><p>"Did he do something?" Aredhel pressed.</p><p>"He cheated," Fingon said miserably. "And he lied about it, for months, and got all our friends to keep it a secret, and then when I found out, because he texted me thinking it was the other guy, I—I had a breakdown, at work, and I got fired. And then I came home and caught him with the other guy's dick in his ass, and he got mad at <em>me</em> and told me to get out, and I went to Callan's place, only Callan already knew, and then Galdor called and broke up with me <em>on the phone</em>, not even in person, and told me to get my stuff when he wasn't home, and to leave the key behind."</p><p>"Oh my god." Aredhel's mouth hung open. "That's...that's the shittiest thing I've ever heard. Oh my god, Finno, I'm so sorry."</p><p>Fingon let out a hollow laugh. "He was tired of humoring me, pretending I was a <em>real</em> guy. He always said he didn't mind I was trans, that it was cool and exciting, but I should've known."</p><p>"You <em>are</em> a real guy," Aredhel said fiercely. "You've got more balls than him! You're the Brave Little Toaster—"</p><p>"Shut <em>up</em>," he groaned. "You'll never let me live that down!"</p><p>"But seriously, do I need to drive out there—in my <em>new car, oh my god</em>—and kick his ass for you?" Aredhel cracked her knuckles. "Because I <em>will</em>."</p><p>"Um," Fingon said. "I'm kind of not there anymore."</p><p>"Well, yeah, you can't live with an asshole like that—"</p><p>"No, uh, I mean, I moved. Away. Like four states away." Fingon laughed nervously. "I transferred to U of F, like I mentioned I might, and uh. I actually just moved into my new apartment. Alone."</p><p>Aredhel stared for a moment. "What?"</p><p>"Yeah," he said. "Yeah."</p><p>"Did you tell Mom and Dad—?"</p><p>"Nope. Just...just kind of did it."</p><p>"Oh my god, Finno. Just because you had a bad breakup doesn't mean you need to do...<em>that</em>!"</p><p>"It's more than just that," Fingon said, fighting back even more tears. "I mean, I don't have friends or a boyfriend or a job or anything left for me back there. But I switched majors. From Psych to Education. I'm—" his voice wobbled— "I'm gonna be in school for, uh. For at least a few more years."</p><p>"Finno, you were <em>so </em>close..." Aredhel shook her head. "Sorry. I know Mom and Dad will give you hell for that. No, good for you, chase your dreams, but... Did Almaren not have a good ed program?"</p><p>"U of F's got a better one," he said. "I've been thinking about this for a long time. But I just had to—do it. And do it on my own." He clenched his fist. "No one's holding me back anymore."</p><p>"This is monumentally stupid," Aredhel said, shaking her head. "I'm so proud of you."</p><p>"You're—what?"</p><p>"I'm proud of you!" She laughed, tossing her dark curls out of her face. "Look, this is the dumbest thing you've ever done, and that's saying a lot. But it's the most <em>you</em> thing you've done in awhile, Finno. You stopped being brave, and reckless, and you stopped <em>caring</em> when you were with Galdor. I know Mom and Dad thought he was grounding for you, they liked that he kept you in one place, but this is who you are. You're starting over!"</p><p>"I ripped up all my roots and left, I isolated myself from everyone who cared about me, and I put myself into an anxiety spiral, and you're <em>proud </em>of me?" Fingon didn't understand. "I thought for sure you'd be mad..."</p><p>"I mean, Dad will be," Aredhel said. "Turno will act like it, but he'll be happy he's the golden child for once. Mom will worry herself sick, Grandpa will have a heart attack—"</p><p>Fingon snorted. That was Finwë Smith for you, always so concerned over his grandkids' wellbeing. Well. Most of them.</p><p>"—so I'll let them give you grief," Aredhel finished. "Sure, you ripped up all your roots. Now set down some new ones. Be yourself. Breathe. Grow where you can."</p><p>"For an eighteen-year-old, you sure are wise," Fingon muttered.</p><p>"Oooh, I'm telling Galadriel you said that!"</p><p>"Yeah, and make sure she knows I was being sarcastic."</p><p>Someone—probably their mother—yelled Aredhel's name from her side of the call. She sighed and flounced out of bed.</p><p>"I've gotta go, Mom's got a chore for me," she said. "Call me later tonight, okay? I know you're freaked, but you've got to talk to someone, and you're new in town, so that someone had better be me. Okay?"</p><p>"Okay," he said. He paused. "Love you. Thanks for calling. I—I needed this."</p><p>"Love ya too, dumbass," she said, blowing him a kiss. She ended the call, and Fingon's screen went dark.</p><p>Well. He took a deep breath, and stared up at the ceiling. That could've gone a lot worse, he supposed. It certainly wouldn't be pretty when he told his parents what he'd done.</p><p>Aredhel was right, he realized. He hadn't been himself while he was with Galdor. And this reckless movement, well, it wasn't healthy, but that was to be expected after having been cooped up so long in a bad relationship. He was just letting it all out.</p><p>Fingon got up and opened the first of his dozen boxes. It was the one full of books that he'd dropped on his now-bruised toe. He picked one up, dusted off the old bookshelf that the previous resident had left behind, and set it on there.</p><p>New roots, he thought. Yeah. As long as they were in better ground than the last ones.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Galdor is not any particular Galdor from the Silm, it's just one of the more common Sindarin names Tolkien used, so I thought it would be a good stand-in for the name of a shitty ex.</p><p>Thanks for reading and commenting!<br/>You can find me on tumblr <a href="http://arofili.tumblr.com/">@arofili</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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